Veritable Tantrum

North Carolina has an undeserved arrogance about it. It’s a state that’s excessively proud of things it has no right to be excessively proud of.

For example, North Carolina has a bunch of good basketball colleges. Each has academic prestige to match their athletic prowess. Their campuses are laden with beautifully manicured architecture and crisp sunlight. They’re fucking awesome schools, and I’m not denying that. They’ll appeal to any high school kid who isn’t a snarling moron.

But these colleges are placed on a higher pedestal just because they’re in North Carolina. It’s as if North Carolinians (Carolinans?) think they can brag about their schools twice as much since they’re stereotypically labeled as rednecks.

There’s a plethora of southern colleges in Florida, Alabama, Georgia, and South Carolina, all of which are boisterously fun and have incredible athletic programs. ‘Bama has a cherished football dynasty that will go down as the greatest of all time. It’s also one of the funnest schools I’ve ever visited, with one of the most delirious main drags I’ve ever had the pleasure of trolling down at 3 a.m. on a Thursday with a gyro clenched between my teeth (grab one from Hooligan’s after a night of RBVs at Houndstooth, you won’t be disappointed).

Clemson’s basketball program basically started the ACC from the bottom, and their football team has had its fair share of legends (the largest of which is Dabo Swinney, in my opinion, because just look at him). Clemson wasn’t as rowdy but still a good ol’ fashioned blackout, and I’d be a liar if I said I didn’t find the best margarita of my life at Monterrey Mexican Restaurant. There’s always a better margarita out there, and it exists within the walls of Monterrey, a tiny unassuming cantina in the middle of some shithole shopping center.

So why, if these other southern states don’t gloat about good things states should normally have anyway (e.g. competitive higher education), does North Carolina get to? Why do North Carolinites get to walk around with their noses stuck up higher than their eyebrows and think their state is better? Is it because you have part of the Appalachian? That’s awesome, REAL CONTRIBUTION TO HUMAN HISTORY that you guys had no hand in cultivating.

Their beaches are nice, though. I’m actually here now.